Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
