Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
