it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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