It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
