Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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