So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
