You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
