It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
