do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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