Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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