Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
