his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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