I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
