You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Randomize
