I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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