My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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