i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
