i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
