just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
