Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
