my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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