9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
