the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
