New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
