Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You ruined the universe
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
