$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
