My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
