How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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