She said her name was "party"
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
