I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
