I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
