So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
