im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
