I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
