You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
