he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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