You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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