So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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