Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
