dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
