do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
