I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
