If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
