He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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