I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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