So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Randomize
