Having a random hookup so left but love u
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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