At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
