Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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