if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
