I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
