The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize
