Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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