my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It's never too late to be topless.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
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