I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
