I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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