dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
